on_line dating

LURKING, PREYING OR BROWSING FOR LOVE?
WELCOME TO INTERNET AFFAIRS

SOMEONE TOLD ME ONCE THAT INTERNET DATING IS FOR THE SAD, DESPERATE AND FREAKY. SADLY THIS TYPE OF RESPONSE IS TYPICAL FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE. WHY SADLY! BECAUSE THOSE WHO INSTANTLY DISMISS SUCH SERVICES, ARE MISSING OUT ON A GREAT OPPORTUNITY.

THE TRADITIONAL ARGUMENT AGAINST USING THE NET TO MEET SOMEONE IS THAT IT IS NOT NATURAL. SO WHAT IS NATURAL! WHERE HAVE PEOPLE TRADITIONALLY MET THEIR HUSBANDS, WIVES, LOVERS AND FRIENDS? STATISTICALLY FOR THE PAST 50 YEARS, THE MOST COMMON PLACE HAS BEEN THE WORKPLACE. THIS IS HARDLY SURPRISING AS MOST OF US SPEND MORE THAN HALF OUR LIFE AT OUR PLACE OF WORK. IT IS NOT UNCOMMON IN THE MODERN WORLD TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR COLLEAGUES THAN WITH YOUR FAMILY, AN UNFORTUNATE BUT TRUE FACT OF LIFE. THIS MEANS LESS OPPORTUNITY TO MEET NEW PEOPLE. SO IF YOU DON’T MEET SOMEONE AT WORK, WHERE ELSE IS THERE?

ENTER THE REVOLUTION OF DATING ONLINE. THIS MEDIUM FOR MEETING NEW PEOPLE IS A LOGICAL STEP IN OUR FAST CHANGING WORLD.

SO YOU HAVE A MATE ON THE NET…GREAT! BUT ARE YOU ASKING YOURSELF WHETHER IT’S DANGEROUS TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP ONLINE OR IT’S AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO FIND A MATE?

FRIENDSHIPS AND ROMANCES FORMED ON THE NET FOLLOWS A LOT OF SCRIPT, FROM DEVELOPING EMOTIONAL INTIMACY TO GOING BEYOND THE MOMENT OF REALITY. IT’S A LONG PROCESS.
LOVE AT FIRST BYTE? HMMM…THAT’S A BIG QUESTION!

WELL, INTERNET AFFAIRS CAN BE DANGEROUS AND CAN ALSO BE ACCEPTABLE. IF YOU ARE CAUTIOUS, INTELLIGENT AND SMART ENOUGH, YOU CAN MINIMIZE THE DANGER AND GET MANY BENEFITS OF INTERNET RELATIONSHIPS, BUT BE PREPARED FOR YOUR TIME, EFFORT AND ENERGY. ONCE YOU GET ALONG, IT WILL BE A LOT OF FUN.
 
THE NET IS A REMARKABLE SITUATION IN WHICH YOU CAN IMAGINE ALL KINDS OF THINGS ABOUT THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING TO WITHOUT A VOICE [MANY CONTACTS WILL NOT USE A VIDEO
CAM
EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE IT]. YOUR IMAGINATION CAN RUN PRETTY WILD AND YOU CAN BUILD A PICTURE OF SOMEONE EXTREMELY DESIRABLE THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FULFILL. THIS IS WHY MOST PEOPLE EVENTUALLY GET DISAPPOINTED WHEN THEY MEET THEIR "ONLINE" FRIEND IN PERSON. THEIR ONLINE MATES SOUND REALLY GREAT “ONLINE” BUT WHEN THEY MEET, THERE ARE JUST NO SPARKS AFTER ALL,,, SO THEY END UP MEETING ONLY ONCE.

WE OFTEN HEAR TALES OF SECRET AFFAIRS PEOPLE HAVE ONLINE. THE INTERNET LOVER OFTEN LEADS A DOUBLE LIFE THINKING THEY WILL NEVER BE CAUGHT. ADDICTED, THEY RACE TO THEIR COMPUTERS AND LOG INTO THEIR PRIVATE MAILBOX HOPING THEIR NET LOVER HAS LEFT THEM A MESSAGE. THE INTERNET HAS BEEN BLAMED FOR BREAKING UP MARRIAGES AND OTHER RELATIONSHIPS. IT HAS ALLOWED MANY TO HAVE SECRET AFFAIRS. FOR SOME IT HAS ALLOWED THEM TO LEAVE UNHAPPY RELATIONSHIPS AND START NEW ONES. IT COULD HAVE WORKED THE OTHER WAY AS WELL.

THE DANGER SEEMS TO COME FROM TRUSTING TOO MUCH ~ NOT VERIFYING INFORMATION AND ALSO BECOMING OVERLY INVOLVED OR TOO ADDICTIVE TO THEIR NET LOVERS. THERE IS REAL PAIN AND DISAPPOINTMENTS THAT ACCOMPANY LOVE ON THE NET. THOSE WHO DON’T WANT TO OBSERVE REAL CAUTION COULD END UP WITH SCARS.
 
THOSE WHO FANTASIZE A LOT ABOUT THEIR ONLINE MATES OR LOVERS AND WHO ARE ALWAYS DAYDREAMING, LOSE THEIR SENSE OF REALITY. THOSE PEOPLE ARE PRONE TO ADORE THEIR LOVED ONE AND IT WILL BE VERY DIFFICULT FOR THEM TO ESCAPE AND RETURN BACK TO REALITY UNHARMED.

THE QUESTION TO ASK: ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH THE REAL PERSON OR JUST A FANTASY CREATED BY SOMEONE ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE? HOW COULD YOU BE SURE THAT YOU KNOW YOUR ONLINE LOVER WELL ENOUGH? I THINK THIS IS ONE OF THE PROBLEMS WITH MEETING PEOPLE ONLINE. WHEN YOU MEET ONLINE, YOU MAY BECOME INTERESTED IN PEOPLE YOU WOULD HAVE IGNORED IF YOU HAVE MET IN PERSON.

STILL, INTERNET RELATIONSHIPS COULD BE INTERESTING AND ENJOYABLE BUT FIRST DON’T TRADE IT FOR A REAL "IN PERSON" RELATIONSHIP.

INITIALLY, WE ARE OVERWHELMED BY THE ABUNDANCE OF POSSIBLITIES. THEN AS YOU BECOME MORE FAMILIAR WITH THE USE OF THE WEB YOU’LL COME ACROSS ONE OF ITS MOST EXCITING POTENTIAL ~ THAT IS THE JOY OF MEETING PEOPLE ONLINE. IF ANYONE USES THE INTERNET FOR ANYTHING BEYOND TECHNICAL INFORMATION THEY ARE REQUIRED TO LEARN NOT ONLY THE TECHNOLOGY BUT ALSO THE ETIQUETTE. THE LATTER IS DIFFICULT, AS IT IS STILL BEING FORMED.THE REASON THE FORMULATION IS MADE DIFFICULT IS BECAUSE CONTRARY TO ALL TRADITION WE ARE WITHOUT IDENTITY AND ACCOUNTABILITY ON THE NET. ANYONE CAN SURF, AND WHILE THIS IN ITSELF IS NOT A BAD THING, WE ARE SIMPLY SO NEW AT IT THAT WE DO NOT QUITE KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE POSSIBILITIES.

I’M TALKING ABOUT SITUATIONS WHERE TWO PEOPLE BEGIN ”TALKING” EITHER IN CHAT OR IN THEIR PRIVATE MESSAGES AND SUDDENLY ONE SLOWS DOWN OR ALTOGETHER DISAPPEARS, OR CHOOSES TO COMMUNICATE IN SOMEWHAT BARBARIC FASHION TO KILL THE COMMUNICATION. STILL ANOTHER CASE MAYBE WHERE AN INDIVIDUAL IS CARRYING ON CONVERSATION IN SEVERAL ”WINDOWS” WITH AS MANY INDIVIDUALS HE/SHE CAN GET. ONE CAN JUST IMAGINE THE DEPTH OF SUCH CONVERSATION AS WE ARE, AFTER ALL, HUMAN AND NOT MULTI-TASKING MACHINES.

REALITY ON LINE IS SOMETIMES NOT SO COLORFUL. THE NET ALLOWS US TO MAKE FOR OVERSTATEMENTS. I AM NOT SUGGESTING THAT PEOPLE SET OUT TO FOOL EACH OTHER. JUST DON’T FOOL OTHERS ONLINE BECAUSE YOU WANT THEM TO CARE FOR YOU. THIS WILL BE BAD WHEN YOU EVENTUALLY MEET UP.

NOW THE ULTIMATE QUESTION IS… CAN INTERNET RELATIONSHIPS EVENTUALLY WORK OUT? ACTUALLY, PEOPLE WHO MEET ON THE INTERNET MAY VERY WELL DEVELOP A LONG LASTING "IN PERSON" RELATIONSHIP. IN THESE CASES, IT IS HELPFUL TO THINK OF THE INTERNET AS A TOOL SUCH AS A DATING SERVICE OR A NETWORK OF FRIENDS. IF THE RELATIONSHIP DOES WORK OUT, IT IS BECAUSE THE "IN PERSON" RELATIONSHIP ALSO WORKS OUT.

THE NET ALLOWS YOU TO MEET A LOT OF PEOPLE, ALSO TO WEED OUT PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT COMPATIBLE. BUT IT HAS LIMITS AND YOU CAN TAKE THE NEXT STEPS BY MEETING IN PERSON. BUT WHAT IF YOU DIDN’T MEET THE STANDARDS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR AND THE SAME WITH YOUR MATE TOO? AND WHAT CAN YOU DO TO PROTECT YOURSELF WHEN YOU FIRST MEET HIM/HER IN PERSON? AND WHAT IF YOU HAVE TRAVELLED A THOUSAND MILES AND YOU GET DISGUSTED WITH HIM/HER? JUST THINK OF THE TIME YOU SPENT ON LINE AND THE EXPENSE!

SO BEFORE YOU TAKE THE PLUNGE…THINK ON HOW DOES INTERNET AFFAIRS VARY FROM REAL LIFE ROMANCES? PERHAPS ONE SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE IS…COMMUNICATION AND PRESENTATION. ON THE INTERNET WE TEND TO POLISH OUR INTELLECT, OUR IMAGINATION AND EVEN OUR PERSONALITY.

TO GIVE IT A CHANCE, YOU SHOULD BUILD TRUST, CONFIDENCE AND HONESTY BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY MEET. TAKE TIME WITH YOUR MATE ONLINE. BE SURE YOU GET ALL THE NECESSARY INFORMATION BEFORE YOU COMMIT TO ANYTHING. THIS WAY YOU WILL MINIMIZE THE DISAPPOINTMENT IF IT HAPPENS.

MOST OF THE PROBLEMS ASSOCIATED WITH THE INTERNET RELATIONSHIP OCCUR BECAUSE THEY REMAIN ONLY AN INTERNET AFFAIR AND BECAUSE THEY BUILD ONLY ON FANTASY; LETTING IT TAKE OVER, OR BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP WITH A FICTION AND NOT REALITY.

YOU ARE NEVER SURE THAT THERE WILL STILL BE MAGIC WHEN YOU MEET YOUR MATE? ARE YOU WILLING TO TAKE THE RISK? ARE YOU BRAVE ENOUGH TO DANCE WITH FIRE? AND WHAT IF YOU ARE TOTALLY DISSATISFIED? ARE YOU BRAVE ENOUGH TO FACE THE SAME SITUATION AGAIN AND AGAIN? CAN YOU RETURN TO YOUR NORMAL “ONLINE” SELF?

ANOTHER QUESTION TO PONDER: CAN LOVE DEVELOP ON AN INTELLECTUAL LEVEL ONLY; WITHOUT PHYSICAL ATTRACTION AND WITHOUT FAMILIARITY? THERE ARE THOSE WHO FAVOR INTERNET RELATIONSHIP CLAIMING THAT THE INTENSITY OF THE EMOTIONAL RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPS IN SUCH A WAY. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO HAD GREAT AND AMAZING LOVE STORIES THAT STARTED ON THE NET.

WHATEVER YOUR OPINION, SEE TO IT THAT THE PERSON WHOM YOU ARE TALKING TO IS SINCERE ENOUGH TO FULFILL HIS PROMISES, HONEST ENOUGH IN DELIVERING HIS MESSAGE ONLINE AND GREAT ENOUGH TO BE WORTH GIVING YOUR FULL ATTENTION AND MAY BE LOVE.

PROTECT YOURSELF FROM POSSIBLE TRAPS. WEIGH THINGS FOR YOURSELF BEFORE YOU COMMIT. LEARN HOW AND HOW NOT TO MEET YOUR MATE ONLINE; WHEN TO GIVE OR NOT GIVE FLIRTS. FROM THIS ALONE, YOU CAN SOMETIMES RECOGNIZE IF THE RELATIONSHIP MIGHT WORK.

DONT PREY ON THE NET AND USE IT AS A TOOL TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OTHER PEOPLE, OR EXTRACT FALSE INFORMATION, OR LOSE YOUR SENSES, HOPPING FROM CHATROOM TO ANOTHER, LOOKING FOR AND EYEING FOR ANOTHER VICTIM OR USING THE NET FOR SEX TRADE. BEWARE OF EASY LOVERS TOO. DON’T USE THE NET TO PLAY DANGEROUS GAMES WITH OTHERS; DON’T PLAY WITH PEOPLE’S EMOTIONS; DONT GIVE FALSE HOPE AND PROMISES ONCE COMMUNICATION DOORS ARE OPEN TO YOU; AS I SAID, TRY TO BECOME A FRIEND FIRST, BUILD TRUST AND HONESTY, BE FAITHFUL ENOUGH WHEN THE MATE OPENS UP TO YOU.

THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE WHO CHOOSE THE INERNET TO FIND A SOUL-MATE. A POPULAR SITE IN THE NEAR EAST IS EZAWAJ.COM WITH THOUSANDS OF DAILY HITS ESPECIALLY IN ARAB AND NORTH AFRICA COUNTRIES. THERE ARE A LOT OF INTERNATIONAL SITES AS WELL. AS A RULE, TRY TO “NARROW” DOWN YOUR SEARCHES BY DEFINING AGE, LOCATION, ETHNICITY, ETC.

FINDING A PARTNER ON THE NET SOUNDS GREAT, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU CAN WRAP YOURSELF IN ANONYMITY, FOR A WHILE ANYWAY; AT LEAST UNTIL THE FIRST ACTUAL MEETING. JUST WHEN EVERYTHING COMES TOGETHER ~ THE WRITING STYLE ~ THE VOICE OVER THE PHONE ~ THE THOUGHTFULNESS. YOU ACTUALLY BELEIEVE THAT REALITY WILL BE JUST GREAT. AND YUCKS ~ IF HE/SHE IS NOT YOUR TYPE; YOU WISH THAT YOU COULD DISAPPEAR! THIS IS THE TIME ON-LINE HONEST PAYS…

MANY PEOPLE COME AND GO IN THIS LIFE, BUT THERE WILL BE SOMEONE WHO MAKES A DIFFERENCE. SOME ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS CAN WORK JUST FINE AND SOME JUST WON’T HAVE A HAPPY ENDING. FOR THOSE WHO ARE STILL BROWSING TO FIND A MATE ALWAYS BE CAUTIOUS, BE ALERT ABOUT WHOM YOU ARE TALKING TO, MAKE A DATE ~ WHY NOT? AGREE ~ YES, BUT PUT A LITTLE COMMON SENSE AND INTUITION AND BE WISE.

A SHOCKING UNEXPECTED ENDING! OR SWEET MUSIC!! MAKE YOUR CHOICE!!!

 
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